I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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