Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
