I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
