So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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