i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
