I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
