I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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