I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
