He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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