his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
