I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
