When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
