you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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