In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
