he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
