I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
