Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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