I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
God, I missed his penis.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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