if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
