If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
