I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
