yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
