just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
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