he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
