i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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