we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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