remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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