I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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