Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
