in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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