The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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