Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
