I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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