I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
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It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
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We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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