Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
