So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
