Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
