I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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