remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
