The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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