ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
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