hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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