we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
