she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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