I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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