Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
