I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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