Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just pee around me
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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