Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
