just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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