Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
