I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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