so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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