This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
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Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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