i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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