i think i have two assholes
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
