Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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