my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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