I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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