when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
