So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
