i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
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He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
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Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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