trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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