Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
