I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
tell me about the eggs
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