so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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