if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
