capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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