If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
