whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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