Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
