ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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