When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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