that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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