Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
