Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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