wake up i wanna do it froggy style
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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