somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
