I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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