He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
