I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
