I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
