i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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