You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
