I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
