Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
