that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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