I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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