I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
