i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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