is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
