An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
