i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
